E . . . is for Emotional Pain
"Most men are about as happy as they make up their minds to be", is a famous quote we've all heard and VERY true it is too.
That we have control over whether or not we experience emotional pain is a fact, the power is totally in our own hands, and this is a hard concept to grasp. Feelings of bitterness, jealousy, depression, hostility, anger or fear (all examples of emotional pain) are caused by ourselves in ourselves.
It's easy to say we are in charge of our emotions and no one can make us feel bad unless we let them, but it helps to understand why:
1. Our emotions start within us with how we perceive the world. Once again - our emotions begin within us and are the result of how we respond to people and events outside of us.
2. The only way anything can enter and effect our emotions is through our minds and thoughts.
3. We have control over our minds and thoughts and nothing outside ourselves can cause us pain unless we agree to taking it on.
4. If people and events are influencing our emotions it is only because we have agreed to it and we are free to withdraw our consent anytime we want to.
5. The solution is to change ourselves - it is our response that causes us the pain, not the people and events!
This idea that we can control our emotions, that we are responsible for our emotions, can be a scary one at first. To fully incorporate this concept into our lives we have to be willing, ready, and able to give up our crutches. If we are used to blaming others and other circumstances for our problems and emotional pain then we are using them as crutches. We need to throw away these crutches we have been leaning on and take responsibility for our own lives.
If we expect events in the world or other people to conform to ensure our happiness and freedom from emotional pain then we are giving the responsibility to them -- willingly handing it over -- rather than taking responsibility for ourselves, and we will be in for a rude awakening because the world and other people will not usually conform to suit us.
A major part of self esteem is feeling we are in control of our lives. By allowing emotions to control us, we do not ACT, we REACT. We have all seen people like that, who just react to life -- they have no goals or plans, almost as if they feel they had no right to take any actions in their own lives. They sit back passively and react to whatever leftovers life passes their way. They deaden the pain of this life of only reacting by using drugs or alcohol, shopping, gambling, or whatever.
We need to act in our lives, take charge of our lives and emotions.
The wonderful side benefit is that if we accept responsibility for our emotions then people around you have to take responsibility for their emotions. This means we can come out from under any yoke of guilt we might be carrying for other people's emotional pain. If we have not intentionally tried to harm another - either physically or mentally - then we have total freedom from responsibility for another's pain . . .and it is very freeing to come to this realization.
